40.Wi / 15.T / 10.IWhere does the time go? The older I get, the more time seems to slip through my fingers. I get so wrapped up in the daily routines and meetings and everything that the extraordinary flies right past without notice. Recently, I spent ten days at Telgar Weyr and only realized when I got home that Pidgery was at the Hold for the month. It never even occurs to me anymore to find out how he's doing or to check in on him. Wouldn't even had had to go between. Just slip on down... I haven't seen him in two Turns.
Then with Il'ad and Lanti, it's so hard for me, especially in the last few Turns, to see them as something more than other riders. They're my children, for Faranth's sake. But everything is business lately. I lectured Il'ad a few sevendays back about the dangers of allowing the personal and the professional to mix, but it is any better in this extreme where it's always about the professional?
Everything lately feels wrong. I even had a moment of disappointment when Nyls caught Aevryscienth again. There's no logic to it, and I'd like to think we're able to offer the Weyr some stability, which is something very necessary at this point in time. But shard it, when Il'ad talked about being a shitty father, it made me wonder if I taught him that.
But that's just it. This isn't about me. It's not about Nylanth or Aevryscienth or even the Weyr. It's about my children, and now my grandchildren. Who am I to them? Am I still a father if all I can do is hide behind my knot? Have I removed myself so far that there's no way back?
( "I mean, what argument could I possibly present anyway?" -Il'ad )